Arbitrary Rules

I plan to follow my dreams, and make the move away from the script.  But first, there are some things I need to do.

• I need to pay off my house.
• I need to wait until my daughter has completed kindergarten, so we can have a program in place for her.
• I need to pare down my possessions, so that getting rid of them at the last minute isn’t overwhelming.
• I need to save up some money, so that we have a safety net.
• I need to pay off my student loans.
• I need to lose weight and adapt a healthier lifestyle.
• I need to get our house off the grid, so we can save up more money.
• I need to reduce the amount of waste we produce, so that I will be ready to live with limited waste facilities.

If you have a dream, I am willing to bet that you’ve got some steps to follow, too.  Steps can be useful.  They give us hope, in our day-to-day lives.  They make us feel like we’re working toward our dream.  They make us feel like we’re moving in a direction.

But you need to realize that they are fake.

Steps slow us down, when we’re not yet ready to make the change.  They keep us focused, but they are a delaying tactic.  That can be a positive thing.  We shouldn’t move forward, until we are ready to do so.  And having something to keep us focused can be helpful.

It’s when we start using the steps to hold us back, that they become a problem.  When we’re adhering to steps out of fear, it’s time to realize that the steps don’t matter.  They are just rules we’ve created in our head. 

When you’re ready to let go and follow your dream, then you need to let go and follow your dream.  There is absolutely nothing that you have to do, before you do that.  Any rules, are rules that you are choosing to have.  You can walk away from anything, when you are ready.

I’m obviously not yet at that stage of the game.  But I’ve been watching, as my rules, my “steps” to follow have gradually been disappearing.  There are some that I’m choosing to keep, at this point in time, at least.  But noticing that keeping them is my choice, and noticing how the other steps were limiting me, has given me more control and freedom.

What arbitrary rules are keeping you from your dreams?

• 

You do Have a Choice!

In the past, I’ve written about the importance of keeping fear in check.

I have to admit that I am a hypocrite like everyone else, and I don’t always walk the talk, in that area.

I have found that I am the most fearful, when I feel like I don’t have options.  I feel the most hopeless, and unhappy, when I feel like I am trapped in a situation or a pattern of action.

The crazy thing is, there are always options.  We always have choices.

• We don’t have to be in survival mode.  We can choose to let go of that and take a chance with doing what is right.
• We don’t have to live the way society says we do.  We can find the freedom that comes with living intentionally.
• We don’t have to believe everything we hear.  No matter who said it, we can judge for ourselves whether it works for us.
• We don’t have to seek approval.  We can look inwardly, rather than outwardly, to find our true worth.
• We don’t have to stay in situations that don’t help us grow.  We can leave or change the situation.
• We don’t have to accept “no” or “you can’t” as an answer.  We can persevere and keeping trying to find a way.
• We don’t have to be chained to the past–no matter what happened there!

Think about it.  What do you “have” to do, that you would rather not be doing?  Who says that you have to do it?  Look around–what other options are there?

Being stuck is fake.  We are only ever stuck, if we keep thinking that we are.  Regardless of where life has taken us prior to this day, today our possibilities are endless.

So get out there and make some choices!

Looking in the Wrong Place

I used to hate praise.

Nobody ever meant it, permanently.  Whenever someone spoke highly of me, it would always fade away, eventually.  I would become bitter, deciding that no one could deal with me being human.

Oh, I liked the good when it was being said.  It seemed to fill some need that I had.  I felt worth something, important, when others sang my praises.  And that made the crash all the worse, when the singing stopped.

The problem wasn’t that other people were flaky.  The problem wasn’t that people stopped liking me.  The problem was that I was a praise junkie.  I needed that pat on the back, to believe that I was worthy.  But, we don’t constantly praise even our closest friends. 

And we need a constant, positive soundtrack, running in the background throughout our daily lives.  The problem is, nobody is going to follow us around, encouraging us and doing a running commentary on how awesome we are.  There is only one place that the dialogue can come from.

We need to stop looking on the outside, for what can only come from within.

Praise feels good, but it’s fleeting.  We need to give ourselves the gift of a positive inner dialogue.

You’re resisting that notion.  You think that there are enough people who think they are all that and a bag of potato chips.  The world is full of arrogant people, and you don’t want to be one of them. 

But look at the “arrogant” people you know.  Is it possible that they are compensating, for a very low self-worth?  Are they needing to put others down, in order to feel valid?

Do we really need to be so afraid of being arrogant, that we can’t place ourselves on even terms with the rest of the world?  Do we need to view ourselves as being separate, as being less?  Wouldn’t we be able to give more to others, if we saw ourselves as being worthy?

Try it for a day.  Treat yourself as you treat others.  Disregard those negative voices, and give a microphone to the positive. 

You just might be surprised.

Let Go of Survival Mode!

We live in tough times.  So, we do whatever we can, to keep the “security” of a steady income.

We’re in survival mode.

Survival mode justifies a dog-eat-dog mentality, that puts what we perceive to be necessary for our family’s survival, above the common good.

Survival mode justifies throwing innocent people under the bus, so that we might draw attention away from ourselves.

When we’re in survival mode, we compromise what we believe to be right, because it might cause us to lose that income.

We think we’re protecting our children.  We think we’re being sensible and doing what must be done.  We think we have no choice.

But we do have a choice.

The notion of survival mode is fake.

What happens if we lose that income?  Is our family really going to starve?  Do we not have it within ourselves to find a way, to meet the challenge?  Are we really in danger of not surviving?

And if we’re not being true to ourselves, if we’re deliberately doing what we know to be wrong, in order to “survive,” are we really living?  If we’re sacrificing our dreams and passions, for “security” that really isn’t there, is that a life?

We need to have more faith in ourselves, in our place, and our purpose.  We need to believe that we were put on this earth to do more than sell-out, be miserable, in order to have some level of material security. 

The right thing to do is to do right things.

We need to believe that if we do what is right, the rest will be there.  That there is more to life than “earning a living” and looking out for number one.  It is NOT the human “race,” and we have a much larger role to play, than survival.

Take a Moment Tonight

It doesn’t matter who you are, how much you’ve screwed up, or how many jerks you’ve met.  I am willing to bet that somewhere, there are people who love you.  Lots of people.  People who have gone to bat for you, who care about you (although they may or may not have said so), people whose lives you have touched without even knowing it. 

More powerful than counting your blessings–especially more powerful than counting your possessions, it is important to spend some time everyday remembering and thinking of those who love you.  Love is an action.  It is a gift we choose to give, with no strings attached. 

So accept the gift already! 

Allow yourself to feel the love you’ve been given.  Allow it to make you strong, to make you whole.  Then, think of those who have given it to you.  Pray for them, and wish them the best. 

Understanding how much you are loved, will allow you to see the world through love-colored glasses.  You will see more people in need, more ways to show love, than you ever realized were possible.

The best poem I’ve ever found about unconditional love (a redundant phrase–love is always unconditional) is actually from a children’s book. It’s written as from a parent to a child, but I’ve found that it really applies to all relationships and friendships:

Wherever You Go, My Love Will Follow

I wanted you more

than you ever will know

so I sent love to follow

wherever you go.

 

It’s high as you wish it. It’s quick as an elf.

You’ll never outgrow it…it stretches itself!

 

So climb any mountain…

climb up to the sky!

My love will find you.

My love can fly!

 

Make a big splash!  Go out on a limb!

My love will find you.  My love can swim!

 

It never gets lost, never fades, never ends…

 

if you’re working…

 

or playing…

 

or sitting with friends.

 

You can dance ’til you’re dizzy…

 

paint ’til you’re blue…

 

There’s no place, not one, 

that my love can’t find you.

 

And if someday you’re lonely, 

or someday you’re sad, 

or you strike out at baseball, 

or think you’ve been bad…

 

just lift up your face, feel the wind in your hair.

That’s me, my sweet baby, my love is right there.

 

In the green of the grass…in the smell of the sea…

in the clouds floating by…at the top of a tree…

in the sound crickets make at the end of the day…

 

“You are loved.  You are loved.  You are loved,” they all say.

 

My love is so high, and so wide and 

so deep, it’s always right there, even 

when you’re asleep.

 

So hold your head high

and don’t be afraid

to march to the front

of your own parade.

 

If you’re still my small babe

or you’re all the way grown,

my promise to you

is you’re never alone.  

 

You are my angel, my darling, 

my star…and my love will find you, 

wherever you are.

 

You are loved.  

 

–Nancy Tillman

 

Tonight, remember that you are loved.

 

• 

 

P.S.  Check out my guest post on The Simple Year.  Thank you, Kerry, for featuring my piece!

Surprise Adventure: A Trip to the “Hobsibal.”

Once upon a time, Rob was riding his tall bike around the block. I was cleaning the house, and watching the Bean, when Rob hobbled in, through the door. “Honey!” he said. “I think I broke my leg.”

Yeah. He was walking. We looked at it, and his knee was a bit swollen. I suggested that we get it checked out, but Rob of course wanted to sleep on it.

It turns out that he had encountered some college-aged kids partying, and they had urged him to pop a wheelie. Of course, Rob thought that was a grand idea and gave it a try. He landed on his feet, while the bike went down, and held his hands in the air, Olympic-style.

Then, he realized he’d fallen really hard on his left leg.

This morning, his knee was even more swollen, and kind of funny shaped. So–as much as we wanted to finally get some work done at our house–we made a family trip to the ER.   We got Beanie dressed, and told her that we were going to the hospital.  She danced around, and exclaimed, “Hurray!  Going to hobsibal!” 

I’ve always said that she would have her birthday party there, if she could.

This time we were wise and didn’t go to the closest ER, as we did when Beanie had MRSA.  We went to the hopital that Beanie had spent the night at, twice (read about that here and here).  This was definitely Beanie’s favorite hobsibal. 

So, off we went.  I figured I would use the waiting time to finish a guest post that I needed to write, for another blog. 

Here are some pictures from our journey.

Using a stick as a cane.

Beanie called these fish “Piranhas.”

Rob kept tormenting me with the camera. Which is only fair, since I brought the camera with the sole purpose of doing a blog post about his misadventure.

The nurses laughted at Rob when he told them his story, but they did get him a wheelchair.

One thing hospitals have is good wifi!

Beanie logs some tablet time.

Then, after the PA heard Rob’s story  (and laughed at him), it was time for x-rays.  Beanie took a walk around the ward, flirting with all the nurses.  (Nurses are the best thing about the hobsibal–their primary job duty is to pay attention to Beanie!) 

Meanwhile, Rob got to enjoy being Superman.  The special thanks to the x-ray tech for providing us with this picture.

 

The verdict?  A bruise.

After getting one more laugh, the nurses decided he was being a typical man, gave him an Ace bandage, and let him walk out the door.

We returned home, and Rob hopped right up on his tall bike, to do a victory lap.

Weekly Inspiration: Choosing Between Light and Darkness

I want you to listen to me very carefully, Harry. You’re not a bad person. You’re a very good person, who bad things have happened to. Besides, the world isn’t split into good people and Death Eaters. We’ve all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That’s who we really are.

 

Sirius Black

 

All right, so I’m being a complete nerd here, and beginning with a quote from Harry Potter.  That is because, like much of Western Literature, Harry Potter centered on the theme of light and darkness, and the idea that it is up to us to choose between the two.  Harry constantly wondered if he were destined to be evil, and in the end he learned that whether he was good or evil was a matter of choice, rather than destiny.

 

We are not destined to be anything.  None of us are inherently good or bad.  In fact, we have more of a say over our circumstances than we realize.  If there is one lesson that I have learned this winter, it would be the lesson of choice.

 

How many times have you labeled yourself? 

 

I think of the many things I’ve said to myself, that have done nothing but create limitations:

• “I can’t do that.  I’m not a natural leader.
• “If I voice my opinion, no one will like me.”
• “I struggle with trust because I’ve been hurt in the past.”
• “I will not succeed, because nobody listens to me.”
• “I don’t deserve to be happy, because I’ve done x, y, or z.”

You know the litany.  We think we’re being self-aware, but we’re actually being self-limiting.  When we tell overselves that we can’t, we’re eliminating possibilities. 

Because, we always have a choice, no matter what!

Maybe things don’t go as planned.  Life is full of unexpected turns.  Maybe there are wounds from the past that need to heal. 

But, we still have options.  We can choose light over darkness, at any time.  We can choose to stay positive, to believe that the best is still possible.

It doesn’t matter how long we’ve believed otherwise.  It’s hard to break out of old patterns, but it’s infinitely worth it.

So will you join me in choosing light, today?

•